You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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