I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
