When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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