sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
