the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
