My liver just broke up with me...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
