Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
