For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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