That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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