I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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