I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
