jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i already hear my dad disowning me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
