its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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