im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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