Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
