I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
