Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
