Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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