So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
