Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
