i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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