I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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