How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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