as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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