Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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