STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
