I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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