Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
