she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
