i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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