I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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