Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
