If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
