can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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