Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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