I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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