she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
