No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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