I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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