Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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