my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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