this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She bit a glass in half.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
