I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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