So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
birth control should be required to get into college
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
