Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
