I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
