why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
