last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
