I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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