Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love having hate sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
