I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Less talking, more tequila
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't turn off my feet"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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