Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
