I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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