Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
