Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
