Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
